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The poor dying sinner will be assailed, not by one, but by many causes of distress and anguish. On the one hand, the devils will torment him. At death these horrid enemies exert all their strength to secure the perdition of the soul that is about to leave this world. They know that they have but little time to gain it, and that if they lose it at death, they shall lose it forever. The dying man will be tempted, not by one, but by innumerable devils, who will labour for his damnation. One will say: “Fear not; you will recover.” Another: “You have been deaf to the inspirations of God for so many years, and do you now expect that He will have mercy on you?” Another will ask: “How can you make satisfaction for all the injuries you have done to the property and character of your neighbours?” Another: “Do you not see that your confessions have been null, that they have been made without sorrow or a purpose of amendment? How will you now be able to repair them?” On the other hand, the dying man will see himself surrounded by his sins. These sins, says St Bernard, like so many satellites, shall keep him in chains, and shall say unto him: “We are your works; we shall not desert you.” We are your offspring; we will not leave you; we will accompany you to the other world, and will present ourselves with you to the Eternal Judge. The dying man will then wish to shake off such enemies; but, to get rid of them, he must detest them, he must return sincerely to God. “A hard heart shall fare evil at the last; and he that loveth danger shall perish in it” [Ecclus III, 27]. St Bernard says that the man who has been obstinate in sin during life will make efforts, but without success, to get out of the state of damnation; and that, overwhelmed by his own malice, he will end his life in the same unhappy state. Having loved sin till death, he has also loved the danger of damnation. Hence the Lord will justly permit him to perish in that danger in which he has voluntarily lived till the end of this life. St Augustine says that he who is abandoned by sin before he abandons it, will scarcely detest it as he ought; because what he will then do will be done through necessity. Miserable the sinner that hardens his heart and resists the divine calls: His heart shall be as hard as a stone and as firm as a smith’s anvil. Instead of yielding to the graces and inspirations of God, and being softened by them, the unhappy man becomes more obdurate, as the anvil is hardened by repeated strokes of the hammer. In punishment of his resistance to the divine calls, he will find his heart in the same miserable state at the very hour of death, at the moment of passing into eternity. “A hard heart shall fare evil at the last.” “Sinners,” says the Lord, “you have, for the love of creatures, turned your back upon Me.” They will have recourse to God at death; but He will say to them: “Why do you invoke me now? Call on creatures to assist you; for they have been your gods.” The Lord will address them in this manner, because, in seeking Him, they do not sincerely wish to be converted. St Jerome says that he holds, and that he has learned from experience, that they who have to the end led a bad life, will never die a good death. My dear Saviour! Assist me; do not abandon me. I see my whole soul covered with the wounds of sin, my passions attack me violently, my bad habits weigh me down. I cast myself at Thy feet; have pity on me and deliver me from so many evils. In Thee, O Lord! I have hoped; may I not be confounded forever. Do not suffer a soul that trusts in Thee to be lost. Deliver not up to beasts the souls that confess to Thee. My Jesus! Do not permit it. Mary, my queen! Do not permit it: obtain for me death, and a thousand deaths, rather than that I should again forfeit the grace of thy Son.†
It is a thing to be marveled at that God unceasingly threatens sinners with an unhappy death. “Then they shall call upon Me, and I will not hear” [Proverbs I, 28]. Will God hear the sinner’s cry when distress shall come upon him? The Lord pronounces the same threat in so many other places, yet sinners live in peace as securely as if God had certainly promised to give them, at death, pardon and paradise. It is true that at whatsoever hour the sinner is converted God promises to pardon him. But He has not promised that sinners will be converted at death: on the contrary, He has often protested that they who live in sin shall die in sin. “You shall die in your sins” [Jn VIII, 24]. He has declared that they who seek Him at death shall not find Him. We must, therefore, seek God while He may be found. A time shall come when it will not be in our power to find Him. Poor blind sinners! They put off their conversion till death, when there will be no more time for repentance. “The wicked,” says Oleaster, “have never learned to do good unless when the time for doing good is no more.” God wills the salvation of all, but He takes vengeance on obstinate sinners. Should any man in a state of sin be seized with apoplexy and be deprived of his senses, what sentiments of compassion would be excited in all who should see him die without the sacraments and without signs of repentance! And how great should be their delight, if he recovered the use of his senses, asked for absolution, and made acts of sorrow for his sins! But is not he a fool who has time to repent and prefers to continue in sin? Or who returns to sin, and exposes himself to the danger of being cut off by death without the sacraments, and without repentance? A sudden death excites terror in all, and still how many expose themselves to the danger of dying suddenly, and of dying in sin? Weight and balance are the judgments of the Lord. We keep no account of the graces which God bestows upon us, but He keeps an account of them, He measures them; and when He sees them despised to a certain degree, He then abandons the sinner in his sin, and takes him out of life in that unhappy state. Miserable the man who defers his conversion till death. St Augustine says that “the repentance which is sought from a sick man is infirm.” St Jerome teaches that, of a hundred thousand sinners who continue in sin till death, scarcely one will be saved. St Vincent Ferrer writes that it is a greater miracle to bring such sinners to salvation, than to raise the dead to life. What sorrow, what repentance, can be expected at death from the man who has loved sin till that moment? St Augustine says that by a just chastisement the sinner who has forgotten God during life shall forget himself at death. “Be not deceived,” says the Apostle, “God is not mocked. For what things a man shall sow, those also shall he reap. For he that soweth in his flesh, of the flesh also shall he reap corruption” [Galatians VI, 7-8]. It would be a mockery of God to live in contempt of His laws, and afterward to reap remuneration and eternal glory. But God is not mocked. What we sow in this life, we reap in the next. For him who sows the forbidden pleasures of the flesh, nothing remains but corruption, misery, and eternal death. Beloved Christian, what is said for others is also applicable to you. Tell me, if you were at the point of death, given over by the physicians, deprived of your senses, and in your last agony, with what fervour would you ask of God another month or week to settle the accounts of your conscience! God at present gives you this time: thank Him for it, and apply an immediate remedy to the evil you have done; adopt all the means of finding yourself in the grace of God when death comes; for then there will be no more time to acquire His friendship. †
Imagine yourself at the bedside of a negligent Christian, who is overpowered by sickness, and has but a few hours to live. Behold him oppressed by pains, by swoons, by suffocation, by want of breath, by cold perspirations, his reason so impaired, that he feels but little, understands little, and can speak but little. The greatest of all his miseries is, that though at the point of death, instead of thinking of his soul and of preparing accounts for eternity, he fixes all his thoughts on physicians, on the remedies by which he may be rescued from sickness, and from the pains which will soon put an end to life. “They are unable to have any other thought of themselves,” says St Laurence Justinian, speaking of the condition of negligent Christians at the hour of death. They can think only of themselves. Surely his relatives and friends will admonish the dying Christian of his danger? No; there is no-one among all his relatives and friends who has the courage to announce to him the news of death, and to advise him to receive the last sacraments. Through fear of offending him, they all refuse to inform him of his danger. O my God! From this moment I thank Thee, that at death I shall, through Thy grace, be assisted by my beloved brothers of my Congregation, who will then have no other interest than that of my eternal salvation, and will all help me to die well. But though he is not admonished of his approaching death, the poor sick man, seeing the family in disorder, the medical consultations repeated, the remedies multiplied, frequent, and violent, is filled with confusion and terror. Assaulted by fears, remorse, and distrust, he says within himself: Perhaps the end of my days has arrived. But what will be his feelings when he is told that death is at hand? “Take order with thy house; for thou shalt die, and shalt not live” [Is. XXXVIII,1]. What pain will he feel in hearing these words: Your illness is mortal: it is necessary to receive the last sacraments, to unite yourself to God, and to prepare to bid farewell to the world. “What!”, exclaims the sick man; must I take leave of all - of my house, my villa, my relatives, friends, conversations, games, and amusements?” Yes, you must take leave of all. The lawyer is already come, and writes this last farewell: I bequeath such-a-thing and such-a-thing, etc. And what does he take away with him? Nothing but a miserable rag, which will soon rot with him in the grave. Oh! With what melancholy and agitation will the dying man be seized at the sight of the tears of the servants, at the silence of his friends, who have not courage to speak in his presence. But his greatest anguish will arise from the remorse of his conscience, which in that tempest will be rendered more sensible by the remembrance of the disorderly life he has until then led, in spite of so many calls and lights from God, of so many admonitions from spiritual Fathers, and of so many resolutions made, but never executed, or afterward neglected. He will then say: O unhappy me! I have had so many lights from God, so much time to tranquillise my conscience, and have not done so. Behold, I am now arrived at the gate of death. What would it have cost me to have avoided such an occasion of sin, to have broken off such a friendship, to have frequented the tribunal of penance? Ah, very little; but, though they had cost me much pain and labour, I ought to have submitted to every inconvenience in order to save my soul, which is of more importance to me than all the goods of this world. Oh! If I had put into execution the good resolutions which I made on such an occasion; if I had continued the good works which I began at such a time, how happy should I now feel! But these things I have not done, and now there is no more time to do them. The sentiments of dying sinners who have neglected the care of their souls during life, are like those of the damned who mourn in hell over their sins as the cause of their sufferings, but mourn without fruit and without remedy. Lord! If it were at this moment announced to me that my death was at hand, such would be the painful sentiments that would torture my soul. I thank Thee for giving me this light, and for giving me time to enter into myself. O my God! I will no longer fly from Thee. O God of my soul! Thou hast given me strong proofs of Thy love. From this moment I accept all the infirmities, crosses, insults, and offences that I receive from men; give me strength to submit to them with peace. I wish to bear them all for the love of Thee. I love Thee, O infinite goodness! I love Thee above every good. Increase my love, give me holy perseverance. Mary, my hope! Pray to Jesus for me. †
Oh how clearly are the truths of Faith seen at the hour of death! But then they only serve to increase the anguish of the dying Christian who has led a bad life, particularly if he has been consecrated to God, and has had greater facilities for serving him, more time for exercises of piety, more good examples and more inspirations. O God! What torture will he feel in thinking and saying: I have admonished others, and my life has been worse than theirs. I have left the world, and have cherished attachment to worldly pleasures and vanities. What remorse will he feel in thinking that with the lights which he had received from God a pagan would become a saint! With what pain will his soul be racked when he remembers that he ridiculed in others certain practices of piety, as if they were weaknesses of mind; and that he praised certain worldly maxims of self-esteem, or of self-love, such as: It is necessary to seek our own advancement; We ought to avoid suffering, and indulge in every amusement within our reach. “The desire of the wicked shall perish” [Ps. CXI, 10]. How ardently shall we desire at death the time which we now squander away? In his dialogues, St Gregory relates that a certain rich man called Crisorius, who had led a wicked life, seeing at death the devils who came to carry him off, exclaimed: “Give me time, give me time until to-morrow!” They replied: “O fool! Do you now seek for time? You have had so much time, but have wasted it and have spent it in committing sin; and now you seek for time. Time is now no more.” The unhappy man continued to cry out and call for assistance. To his son Maximus, a monk, who was present, he said: “O my son, assist me! Maximus, come to my aid!” With his face on fire, he flung himself furiously from one side of the bed to the other: and in that state of agitation, screaming aloud, like one in despair, he breathed forth his unhappy soul. Alas! During this life, these fools love their folly, but at death they open their eyes, and confess that they have been fools. But this only serves to increase their fear of repairing past evils; and dying in this state, they leave their salvation very uncertain. My brother, now that you are reading this point, I imagine that you too say: “This is indeed true.” But if this is true, your folly and misfortune will be still greater, if after knowing these truths during life, you neglect to apply a remedy in time. This very point which you have read will be a sword of sorrow for you at death. Since, then, you now have time to avoid a death so full of terror, begin instantly to repair the past; do not wait for that time in which you can make but little preparation for judgment. Do not wait for another month, not for another week. Perhaps this light which God in His mercy gives you now may be the last light and the last call for you. It is folly to be unwilling to think of death, which is certain, and on which eternity depends; but it would be still greater folly to reflect on it, and not prepare for judgment. Make now the reflections and resolutions which you would then make; they may be made now with profit - then without fruit; now, with confidence of saving your soul - then, with diffidence as to your salvation. A gentleman who was about to take leave of the court of Charles V, to live only to God, was asked by the Emperor why he thought of quitting the court. The gentleman answered: “To secure salvation, it is necessary that some time spent in penitential works should intervene between a disorderly life and death.” O my God! I will no longer abuse Thy mercy. I thank Thee for the light Thou now givest me, and I promise to change my life. I see that Thou canst not bear with me any longer. I will not wait until Thou either dost send me to hell, or dost abandon me to a wicked life, which would be a greater punishment than death itself. Behold, I cast myself at Thy feet; receive me into favour. I do not deserve Thy grace, but Thou hast said: “The wickedness of the wicked shall not hurt him in whatever day he shall turn from his wickedness.” I then, O my Jesus, I have hitherto offended Thy infinite goodness, I now repent with my whole heart, and hope for pardon, I will say with St Anselm: “Ah! Since Thou hast redeemed me by Thy blood, do not permit me to be lost on account of my sins.” Look not on my ingratitude, but have regard to the love which made Thee die for me. If I have lost Thy grace, Thou hast not lost the power of restoring it to me. Have mercy on me then, O my dear Redeemer! Pardon me, and give me grace to love Thee; for I purpose henceforth to love nothing but Thee. Mary, my hope! obtain for me from God perseverance and the grace to love Him; and I ask nothing more. †
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